Ain’t that the truth. Change is one of those things we know we can count on. This year has been full of change, and it is only May. Today, as my best friend, Brittany, drives across the country to relocate from Virginia to Washington, the topic of change is heavy on my head. A cross-country move is a considerable change, and I have been going through some on my end as well, so naturally, Brittany and I have been relying on our friendship at times to get through. So glad we have each other. One of the significant changes on my end will be starting at a new company next week. I’m thrilled about my new endeavor; however, there is also some stress involved when heading into the unknown. Even though change is a constant, we as humans are creatures of habit, and these worlds at times collide, making us a bit uncomfortable. Upside, this is a sure sign of growth! 

As I watch my friend start anew on the west coast, and I head into a new work family, we have been touching base and supporting each other as we go and have been sharing advice back and forth. I figure why not place some of this here in my blog where it may be of use to other eyes that fall upon it. 

1. Realize even good things can cause stress: Know that positive change can create stress just like not-so-positive change. Stress is just your body’s way of reacting to change. It’s okay to feel stressed even when something good has happened—in fact, it’s normal. So first, forgive yourself for feeling stress through any change. You’re human, right? 

2. Be willing to change: Change is uncomfortable. Are you ready to be a bit uncomfortable? You will need to be to get through your transition. There is that saying, “Nothing changes if nothing changes.” Who wants shit to be the same all the time? In general, change is a constant anyway, so I say to be optimistic and willing to accept that things are now different. It’s okay, my friend. It is just new, and you will surely figure it out.

In the case of Brit’s relocation, I helped her to see a new adventure that awaits. I mean, how cool is it to drive across the US and start your life in a whole different state, culture, climate, and coast. It is a great conversation piece for sure. This leads me to my next tip…

3. Lean on your positive support system: Just like Brit can call me and I’ll have her seeing the sunny side in no time, she does the same for me! Try gearing the conversation toward action: What can you do to make things better? When people brainstorm together, creativity and hopefulness can be contagious as well. We all have people in our lives we know can get us through a hard time or a change. Do yourself a favor…. Call them! That is what friends are for. On the flip side, my next tip…..

4. Leave the naysayers behind. Do not expect the negative people in your life, and many of us, unfortunately, have them, to help you through change. If anything, these people will get in your way. Sure, not everything needs to be sunshine and rainbows, but you know what I mean. You don’t need anyone getting in your head with negativity about your new circumstance during significant changes. This may show up as doubt about your abilities, cynicism, comparing, judgemental, making you prove or defend anything to them, or trying to manipulate your feelings on the change in a negative way. Yes, even if this person is close to you, don’t seek them out during these times. Change is challenging enough, and we don’t need nobody killin’ our vibes, right?

5. Be Proactive: If there is something you can do to prepare for the change… Do it! Do as much to prepare as you can. It will set you for success, but more importantly, you will be more busy doing than thinking. Sometimes our mind is our worst enemy. Take action. Example from my current situation: I decided to study up on my new industry, company, and took a mini-course to sharpen my skills before day one. I feel great about giving myself a head start and feel like I am heading in with a good sense of what is what!

6. Exercise and eat healthy: Our habits here look different for all. With Brit and myself, she tends not to eat when stressed, and I tend to overeat when stressed. Can’t lie; I wish I had her habit with this one! The critical piece here is to be aware first and foremost. I know I have a ton going on, so I make a conscious effort. I am making sure to take care of myself during this time. I have been doing my best to sleep well, eat well, and do a 30-minute workout every day. We ordered pizza the other night, but 2 slices and I headed right down for my workout after and ate well; otherwise, through this uncertain period. I’ll take it!

 7. My biggest tip would be to maintain flexibility and adjust and pivot as you need. I like to refer to this quote in such times.

“The pessimist complains about the wind. The optimist expects it to change. The leader adjusts its sails.” – John Maxwell    

You, my friend, are the leader of your life, and being able to adjust your sails when needed is what gets you through a change in weather.

8.Give yourself a break: This is last but certainly not least. Listen, change is tough. Ultimately, you are tougher. You have gotten through many other changes before, and I have zero doubt you can triumph through this next transition. Listen to your body and mind during times of change, and allow yourself to take a moment when you need a moment. I am not the greatest at taking my own advice here, but I’m working on it. Be kind to yourself as you adapt to the change. Allow for mistakes as you learn. Let your new experience continue to build your arsenal of I cans and I dids! 

Brittany’s got this, I got this, and my dear friend, you got this!

With Love
-T 

Spring is here, and summer is just around the corner. The days of hiding behind the layers are quickly dwindling away. This time comes every year, but this year I decided to stop dreading this inevitable occurrence! 

I love the summer and all it stands for,  and I’m longing for it, especially after a long COVID quarantine winter. I want to allow myself to fully love it! That means this year, I am committed to leaving my body loathing behind! Can I get an amen?! I’m 33 and have never truly loved my body, even looking back on my lighter days. I know I am not alone here, but friends, why do we allow ourselves to feel this way?

This year, I’m challenging myself and you to change our perspectives if you need it. I am not layering, avoiding photos,  rockin’ high-waisted everything….. Screw that! I am making a commitment to loving the body I do have while working to improve it. After all, I have a wonderful life to be grateful for, and I want to be in some photos to look back on and not only ones I am forced into. I want to want to be in them, and I want my smile to be genuine! It’s a shame to waste such a pretty one! See how I dabbled in the positive self-talk? I hope you can too!

It isn’t my body that is holding me back from this; it is my mind. There is always someone who would trade places, and I was far thinner in the past with the same struggle. I can’t lie; it has intensified with the added pounds; however, hating my body will not change a damn thing. My habits will and making a conscious effort to work on this part of me as I do many other areas will create the change. 

Trying to reflect on why I lack caring for my physical body is an emotional challenge and one that I usually keep private or share with a close friend or two. Now I have decided to share this publicly so the many others that struggle with this can see they are not alone. I am the first to help others and take care of many things for myself, yet I neglect my physical health. I am not so certain yet why, but I know it is partly due to not having enough self-love. I haven’t been treating myself well. It isn’t really the weight, as much as it is about genuinely caring about my body and health. I have people who love me, and I know I am deserving of truly loving myself. At times, I believe I do, but I know deep down, your homegirl has some serious work to put in. I find myself being the first to care for someone else; I need to care for myself first and foremost. As we all do. 

The journey is just that, my friend, a journey. It may not be easy, but it is definitely worth it. So, let’s brainstorm a few ideas on how we can make this dream a reality…… 

1. Exercise: I love the way I feel when I do it and actually enjoy it; however, I allow excuses to get in the way and always make extreme goals which causes me to have an early letdown. I commit today to consistency and small habits. 

2. Let the amazing people in your life inspire you! I am paired on my Apple watch with two of my close friends, Becky and Lauren. Becky, listen…. This bitch is a badass and closes her rings fast af every day. She is a Peloton Junkie, and her dedication is so inspiring! Keep it up Becks, you inspire me to move more! Also,  Don’t be afraid to ask them to hold you accountable. Thanks again, Lauren!! Make sure to return the favor and help them with their goals as well!! Supportive friends are the best!!!

3. If you have a partner, involve them if willing. Working in pairs on a goal is powerful, and also, this is more of a lifestyle shift than a goal that ends. Building healthier habits with your partner is a win win.

4. Eat better: This may look different for all. I need to work on not eating late and, in general, more healthy foods. I felt I ate relatively okay, so it has been easy for me to ignore. However, if I genuinely analyze my eating habits, they leave much to be desired. My small goals to start are adding more veggies and not eating past 7 pm.

5. Getting better sleep. This is a personal one for me, but I know this is correlated, so, yeah…. I need to work on sleeping more and stressing less. I now play ocean wave sounds and started a bit of melatonin at night. I plan to add a nightly tea. How about you?

6. Move more in general: I try to remember everything counts, so if I am yacking on the phone enjoying a glass of wine…. I pace around, hopefully, to offset some of the calories from the wine, hehe! This is how I got a few extra steps in last night.

7. Get outside more: As I started this blog speaking about summer, no excuses not to get a bit of sun…. It is suitable for the soul.

8. Schedule the time: Don’t hope it happens; make it happen. I plan to build a 30-minute workout into my day and start to treat it as the top priority it should be! #metime!

9. Meditation and breathwork: I need some stillness and focus in my life. I totally suck at this now, but practice makes it closer to perfect.  🙂

10. Get rid of any self-doubt: Put your fears aside and the voice that says you can’t. “Whether you think you can or you think you can’t, you’re right.”

Now friends, let’s get to work and help hold each other accountable. Feel free to comment with what works for you, I’m sure you have ideas worth spreading!

With Love
-T

The WHO describes Coronavirus (COVID-19) as an infectious disease caused by a newly discovered coronavirus.

“Most people infected with the COVID-19 virus will experience mild to moderate respiratory illness and recover without requiring special treatment.  Older people, and those with underlying medical problems like cardiovascular disease, diabetes, chronic respiratory disease, and cancer are more likely to develop serious illness.” -WHO

For many, 2020 is synonymous with COVID 19. Now here we are almost to May 2021, and this disease is still ravaging our world, and for many families, the above description pales in comparison to their devastating realities. I am blogging about this topic today in honor of my father in law Joseph A. Klein and Jay L. Buttafuoco (Uncle Jay). These two men are a couple of COVID’s unfortunate victims. My Uncle Jay has already been ripped from this world far too soon, and now, we stand by helpless as my father-in-law fights for his life. 

I begin with Joe’s story. I hope to raise more awareness, spread love that we all need right now, and provide insight into a real family’s real experience so we can all have a bit more empathy for those affected. Apologies in advance for the emotional rollercoaster reading this may take you on, but thank you for being here with me during this time. 

Back in March my Husband, (Adam) and I set off for a week-long vacation in Florida to enjoy the sun and spend time with his parents, who moved there just 2 years ago. We didn’t have much planned, simply looking to disconnect for a week and unwind. Joe, Adam’s dad, decided to take the week off (his first since moving down). He wanted to be able to spend time with us and disconnect for a well-deserved week with family. 

Being able to spend time with his family and enjoy a few meals and cold brews together was a real blessing, and I have a whole new appreciation for that time today. 

I was able to see their new home for the first time and listen to their future plans. Joe would light up talking about how he wanted to move closer to the beach soon as he works hard toward retirement. His dad was genuinely enjoying his week off, bar hopping a bit on his Harley and meeting us with us a few times. Bragging to the waiter each time about his family. During this trip, I called him dad for the first time. Adam always told me how his dad wanted a daughter, and he always seemed happy to have me in the family. I casually called him dad when we parted one evening, and he went home excited about this new phase of our relationship, sharing with Adam and his wife and mentioning it to me the next day. Can’t lie when I did refer to him in this manner, that was my end goal, and honestly, he has earned that respect from me, so it was natural. I share this to show how emotional Joe is and how important his family unit is to him. It is simply the man he is.

The last Friday of our trip was a bit worrisome for me; call it my woman’s intuition. We met for breakfast at a local place, and Joe wasn’t feeling or looking so well. We attributed this to him just receiving the vaccination and the expected side effects we had heard rumors about. After all, he had worked throughout 2020, wore his mask, and never had any issues. So naturally, with the timing of his vaccine, we simply took it as an after-effect. Adam and I spent our last full day on the beach, watching the peaceful waves roll in, and headed home the next day. 

Something about myself felt off as we arrived home, I felt tightness in my chest, and I immediately knew I had contracted COVID and my thoughts fled to Adam’s dad. I just knew that day at breakfast, he looked sick and more than a side effect. Adam’s mom called the next day to confirm it was COVID. Joe, Adam, and I all had gotten it, and we all had very different experiences. Joe’s painful journey is still a struggle….one that we pray today he can win.

As I said, we all had different experiences; Adam had almost no symptoms, I was extremely ill for a bit over two weeks, and basically migrated from my bed to the sofa and back. My Husband was wonderful at taking care of me, and we were lucky not to both have felt ill. Thanks, babe! 

I was slowly but surely getting better, yet Joe continued to get worse. He was reluctant to seek medical attention at first. Thankfully Matt, Adam’s brother, forced his father to the hospital about six weeks ago. Joe is still there.

His journey has been heartbreaking to witness. COVID isolates a person in their time of most need. Being able to only see his family through facetime. Begging to go home and ultimately facing his biggest fear of needing to be placed on a ventilator. Currently, Joe is on an ECMO machine, the odds aren’t great, but we continue to pray.

Adam’s mom, Cindy, I can’t believe how strong she has been through this all. Waiting by the phone, speaking with medical professionals about her beloved’s situation, having to listen to his tears throughout all while not being able to be by his side. Being an absolute rock for her two boys and Husband. The first time she was able to actually visit and see Joe, he was already on the ventilator. Weeks ago, witnessing them speak about him being home for their anniversary on May 6th seemed like a real possibility; now we know they will spend their 37th anniversary apart. My heart breaks for her.

To my Husband, Cindy, and Matt….. I couldn’t feel more sorry for you all, and I love you guys!

As I blog today, I finally am allowing myself to cry. I have been trying to be strong for Adam and optimistic as I am known to be. I just got off a call with one of my best friends, Lauren, who was more than willing to listen to what I placed in writing so far. She is one of the best people I know to call when you need to ask for feedback. She usually has some, and this time she did not. She simply gave me the confidence to share this story. I love you, Lauren! Thanks for everything always! Right now, we pray for Joe, and I hope you all will too.

 I would like to take a moment to speak about my Uncle Jay, who was lost to Covid on January 24th. I didn’t know him well, but I knew of him that he was a gentle, loving soul again gone too soon. My Uncle was in an accident at 20, which left him mentally disabled. He lived most of his life cared for by his parents Millie and Joe and moved to a nursing home after their passing, where he was a favorite amongst the staff. Despite his disabilities, Jay was still funny, kind, an animal lover, and someone who truly loved his family. 

Jay was a teenager of the 60s and lived it. He lived an entire life by 20, Woodstock, hitchhiked back and forth to Cali 3 times, lit the house on fire, and was known as a true character with a big heart by all. Before his accident, Jay was accepted to Pepperdine University in California, where he dreamed of becoming a vet. Before heading off to California, you could find Jay bringing home all types of sick animals to care for from the clinic, including a lion and a monkey (man… times have changed), with his beloved dog Stash, or just hanging enjoying his family. After his accident, Jay was welcomed home by the entire town. They held a charity car wash for him, and he was even featured in the Wayne Today, “Does Jay Buttafuoco have friends? Yes, he has tons!”  He is now at rest, but his memory lives on.

Millions have contracted COVID 19, thousands continue to fight for their lives. Be there for each other as humans, be grateful for the time you have, live each day to the fullest, spread love, share stories, and keep praying for COVID 19 victims.

With Love

-T